Parental Guidance Nottingham

New Arrival

2005-12-05T14:08:00.000Z

Well.

That's a strange thing.

Never have I experienced such a mixed bag of emotions.

Birth is a deeply odd time, a curious mixture of boredom, sadness and joy. But despite that, the boy has arrived! Little Tobin James Hawcroft was born at 7:16 in the evening on 1st December. that makes him a Sagittarian Rooster with his moon in Capricorn for all you astrologically minded folk out there.

He really is the most beautiful thing in the world.

I can't believe what women go through in order to produce these little people. My wife has an incredibly high threshold for pain, I mean, she'll break her leg and walk to the doctor to get it fixed - no joke - So when I heard her shouting in pain, I KNOW that that's gotta hurt like nothing on this Earth.

I was by her side throughout the process, which was both harrowing and joyous - It was an overwhelmingly beautiful experience, but at the same time noone wants to see their loved ones in so much pain - I have to admit, I shed a few tears. But it was all worth it (easy for me to say!).

It's been a few days now and the routine, though monotonous is still something of a novelty and I actually enjoy the nappy changes and baths. I promised myself I wouldn't be one of these parents who gets excited about shit and piss but the fact is, you can't help it - what you're never told is that you can gauge the baby's health by the colour, consistency and frequency of his bodily functions, and to know that your baby is healthy and perfect is a true joy.

So the last few mornings, as winter's brush renders the trees in rich ochres, reds and the colours of christmas near, the morning birdsong drifts through the window on a delicate cool breeze, bringing the crisp smells of fresh rain and a new day. And I lie in bed covered in sick and bright yellow baby crap, trying to avoid the steaming jet of urine that inevitably follows the removal of my son's nappy.

Joy.

Labour Day

2005-11-29T17:40:00.000Z

The Blog may be new (I realise now that it may have been more prudent to start this at the beginning of pregnancy...) but the last stretch of the ordeal is finally here!

Leela went into labour at about 11 O'clock last night and now, at quarter to six in the evening, the contractions are incapacitatingly strong and the poor girl's waddling around desperatley trying to speed things up by staying as active as possible (I've got her cleaning the bathroom as we speak...).

So as the end looms ever closer to the beginning - I shall share with you some advice and reflections on the last 9 months:

- Ultrasound Blows me away. What with the various problems Leela has had during this pregnancy, we have ended up having more ultrasound scans than you would get in a normal pregnancy - And everytime we go, I've left with a smile on my face.

The stills you get given really don't do the moving image justice. The detail is incredibly fine and suprisingly easy to decipher. There's not been one scan (apart from the first, where he looked more like a maggot in a balloon than a person) where i've had difficulty in seeing him clearly. Perhaps I should get a job a sonographer...

- There's nothing quite so funny as seeing a grown woman waddling.

- Conversation becomes a delicate process during pregnancy. Questions such as "Do I look fat?" can open a can of worms that seems damn near impossible to close again. If you (bending the truth) say "Not at all, love, you look as lovely as ever", you can be assured this will be met with responses such as "Yeah, right" or "Why can't you just be honest, I can take it you know".

Similarly, 'honest' responses ("Well, you may have put on a few pounds, but it's for a reason"; "Not fat, a little plump, but you're still gorgeous"; "Shutup chubby and put the kettle on"), though logically should provide the least explosive response will almost certainly end up getting you a week in the doghouse and months of "Yeah well, you think I look fat anyway" brush-offs.

"But this is just like any other day" I hear you all cry. Well, until you've faced the withering looks and venemous, crushing remarks that a pregnant woman can conjure up, I assure - every other day is a picnic. My advice? Just be honest. State the facts and tell the truth - at least you can't be shouted at for lying as well.

Ah, but I'm being too harsh. Despite my initially dubious emotional connection to the bump - it has been a joy to see him, and Leela, grow. And now that the end is shining brightly in sight, I can't wait to meet the little bugger.

Funny - anyone else who spent as much time with my wife, made her cry as much, kicked her in the guts as often, and stopped me sleeping with her would be a target for my anger, jealousy and fists, not my love...

The adventure continues...

2005-11-23T15:11:00.000Z

Well, Another day and the excitement grows.

Something else that has struck me during this pregnancy is how much guesswork appears to be involved in doctoring.

Leela has had her fair share of problems throughout the last nine months. I mean, if something can go wrong, it has done! Firslty she was diagnosed with SPD, where the tendons soften too much in the pelvis causing the bones to grind together resulting in PAIN, sometimes incapacitating. Then the baby was lying transverse for a few weeks in the last couple of months, which means he was sideways in the womb and if he doesn't move into his engaged position this can result in a c-section.
Also, she has been suffering with prolonged and painful runs of Braxton Hicks contractions almost constantly for the last 3 months.

In recent weeks, however, these contractions have intensified further and left her almost unable to move sometimes, when combined with the pain from her SPD. Why should this be? Surely there's a reason for so much discomfort? Are we really so poorly designed as a species that we find it this difficult to procreate? Can this not be diagnosed?

In comes the doctor's faithful get-out clause: 'pregnancy aches and pains'.
Never have I known such differing symptoms to be diagnosed as the same thing. Headaches? Joint pain? Indigestion? Stomach cramps? All the same thing!

Why not apply this practice to everyday medicine?

- "Doctor, I have been waking up with severe pain in my left side"
- "Ah, that'll be sleep aches and pains"
-"Doctor, I fell down and now my leg bends the wrong way, it's excrutiaing"
-"That's the old walking aches and pains, I'm afraid"
-"Doctor I am no longer able to breath and my body has been slowly rotting
at the extremities. And my skin is falling off"
-"Ah, that's just life aches and pains"

Surely there must be more reasons for the sudden onset of severe painful contractions that last for four straight days and then stop altogether. A different diagnosis for back pains, and for general sickness.

It just shows how much we still have to learn about our bodies our suppose. The doctors and midwives have been reassuring and supportive throughout, but it still leaves you in doubt sometimes about just how much of the medical profession is knowledge, and how much is conjecture!

Beginning of the beginning

2005-11-22T15:21:00.000Z

Welcome to Parental Guidance!

My name is Joe Hawcroft, a web designer for Codebrush web design Nottingham, UK.

The purpose of this blog is, in a roundabout sort way, to chart the development of my soon-to-be-born son who my wife and I spent a full five minutes creating.

Leela, my wife, is now 9 months pregnant and due to 'drop the bomb' any day now. One thing I have noticed throughout the whole pregnancy process - besides the obvious swelling and stretching of my significant other - is the inherent (yet strangely acceptable) sexism of the whole process!

Not that I'm complaining, mind.

From the assumption that every unborn child (in every article, text or document on the subject I have read) is a girl, to the constant reference to the father as the perpitrator of this horrible crime known as "getting someone pregnant"; I have regularly found myself somewhat on the sidelines.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining. I understand the need for the pampering of women during this tender time, because let's not forget: She's building a person, an actual person, inside her. So there's a genuine reason for 8 meals a day and a tendency to find the shopping contains a larger volume of cake than on previous occasions.

So I have decided to launch this platform for us, the forgotten fathers, to rant, share our experiences and generally give each other REAL advice about REAL situations in an environment free from judgement, comment and the fear of causing the end of the world by not putting enough sugar in the tea.

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